Jewish Mothers

MONA LISA'S JEWISH MOTHER: — "After all that money your father and I spent on braces, that's the biggest smile you can give us?"

COLUMBUS' JEWISH MOTHER: — "I don't care what you've discovered, you still could have written!"

MICHELANGELO'S JEWISH MOTHER: — "Can't you paint on walls like other children? Do you have any idea how hard it is to get that stuff off the ceiling?"

NAPOLEON'S JEWISH MOTHER: — "All right, if you aren't hiding your report card inside your jacket, take your hand out of there and show me."

ABRAHAM LINCOLN'S JEWISH MOTHER: — "Again with the stovepipe hat? Can't you just wear a baseball cap like the other kids?"

MARY'S JEWISH MOTHER: — "I'm not upset that your lamb followed you to school, but I would like to know how he got a better grade than you."

ALBERT EINSTEIN'S JEWISH MOTHER: — "But it's your senior picture. Couldn't you do something about your hair? Styling gel, mousse, something, ANYTHING...?"

GEORGE WASHINGTON'S JEWISH MOTHER: — "The next time I catch you throwing money across the Potomac, you can kiss your allowance good-bye!"

JONAH'S JEWISH MOTHER: — "That's a nice story. Now tell me where you've really been for the last forty years."

THOMAS EDISON'S JEWISH MOTHER: — "Of course I'm proud that you invented the electric light bulb. Now turn it off and get to bed!"